So tired of iWhatevers.

Anyone noticed the millions of iMinions posting screenshots of their phones updating to iOS7 and posting it onto Facebook or whatever social media platform? Whilst saying things like 'Ugh, this is taking aaaaages!' or some incoherent First-World-Problem psychobabble? What I think they are trying to say is 'Yes, I have an iPhone and my phone getting updated makes world news!'.

10 % of the world's population cannot give less of a flying monkey.

 That was the only thing I saw on Instagram a couple of days back. What a bloody waste of an opposable thumb for me to have to keep sliding upwards with the hope of seeing something other than iPhone screenshots. Like a picture of someone's dinner.

Or a picture of someone's tanned legs on a holiday by the beach looking like they are about to be fucked by the horizon.

Let's be honest though, you're least likely to find a pair of pasty, flabby, cellulite-infested thighs about to be shagged by clear blue skies type of pictures on Instagram. 

Type in "Selfies" and you'll find in Google Images mainly pictures of people voguing in front of impressively large bathroom mirrors with an iPhone in camera shot. Chances are, not all of you iPhone users are twats but you do have to admit that you are being represented by a massive hoard of them.

This bloke is a pro. A proper elite.

What is it about that brand that gives most of its user an instant Phallus Status?

Hardcore.